He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
