It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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