I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
