If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
