I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I need a burrito and a hug.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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