what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
