dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
