Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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