Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
