I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
