So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Someone shattered a urinal.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
