New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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