Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
