I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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