Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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