Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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