do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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