youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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