69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
