It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Life without a bra equals bliss.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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