Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
