I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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