So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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