I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
