I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
