Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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