And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
