By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
