im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
