I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
