She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I woke up under a house in Key West
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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