Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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