I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
