I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I AM VODKA MAN
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
