Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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