How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
