Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
