First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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