Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
