you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
