I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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