Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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