i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
