I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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