my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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