I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize