Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
