I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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