Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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