the condom got lost in my hair
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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