my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
As shirtless as possible
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
