you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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