shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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