Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
