omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
