That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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