Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
