my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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