Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
