I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
All I want is dick and wine.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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