what day is it and did you see me today?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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