ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi