My first STD was from a foam party
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
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Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui