At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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