drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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