that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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