I murdered the dance floor call the cops
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize