Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
