Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
