I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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