I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
