I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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