So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
