Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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