I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
