I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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