we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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